You know, sometimes its difficult when someone misunderstands you for what you did.

I mean, by watching series, I found out that.

There was this best friend who went all out for her friend. But somehow, this friend of hers never really see it through. Their names are Marissa and Summer.

It just made me think….

Summer is someone who is really great and I admire her. But I don’t know why Marissa does not see it and always blame her for all the things that goes wrong. But actually there was a lot of stuff that Summer did for Marissa that Marissa does not know about. Just to help Marissa, there was so many stuff that she did to make Marissa happy.

But its sad that she doesn’t really see it that way. Its sad that Marissa always feels that Summer is not that good. But one thing about Summer, she always takes it easy. She is not really bothered about what the friend thinks of her. She felt that she did the right thing and she moves on with that. But honestly, who also will feel what Summer did was a good thing but hey, Marissa doesn’t.

But at this particular episode, Summer felt a little hurt because nothing she ever did was enough for Marissa. But still, Summer was always there for Marissa though Marissa feels the other way.

Sad na?! … I know..

But I really like this Summer. And I really like this drama.

Well people… life seems to be taking just the right turn!

Guess what?!!

I have an interview on Monday 27^th October for the accounting post. I am so excited about it! I am going to get this job. Something just tells me that I will be getting it!

Well, tomorrow I am going to do preparation for the interview. Trying think all the possible questions that they will be asking and make it the best.

As for me being happy… hmmm… there isn’t exactly a reason, just feel everything is just the way I wanted it to be. I guess that’s why I am feeling happy.

Anyways.. just felt like having a new post in the blog but haven’t really got an issue or anything like that…

So… hope everything is alright with people out there

Tata!

The start of this year was amazing. Then there were so many personal issues which made me stronger in a way and also some which taught me so much. Then comes the Uni live again. I was so looking forward to this year because of going back to classes and all. Well, nothing beats this student life.

But then, I had so many other problems which I did not anticipate at all. And hence, I totally did not know how to react towards it. All this while, I was in the dark, scared of seeing the light because I was afraid that I would be disappointed. But guess what, its time!

Its time to step out of the dark and see the light…

Accept the fact that there is no harm in trying. Seeing the light or not, loose nothing!

But anyways, now, I have so many things that I need to concentrate on.

I have got new goals and objectives in life that I need to concentrate.

First - Start looking for a job. Very essential!! I need money! I want to buy a lot of stuff to decorate my newly changed room, want to buy a few stuff for my computer, be able to give money when my bro asks for. Man, I so want to have money!!!

Second - On top of my studies. Assignment up to date, dissertation up to date, homeworks up to date and so many more in my studies that I want to achieve. On top of all that, I want to get a first class degree. So, I need to really put my heart into my studies.

Third - Expanding my knowledge. I want to know a lot of things. For that I have planned a few things. Now, once I get my job, I want to really organise my time so that I will be able to have time for every thing. Well, some people can enjoy, study, be on top of all things. How can they be like that?… Well, they are an organised people. So, I need to be like that as well.

These are my 3 main priorities now. I hope I can achieve them all.

GOD BLESS ME!!

P.S.: This post was inspired by my friend Hui Bee

Lately I have been thinking a lot about life. Also, recently I watched ‘The Secret’ which refreshed my mind a little about what is life. But ever since, I have been pondering…‘The Secret’ is basically to concentrate on what you want and the path will reveal itself for you to achieve it. I understand that. But then I came to think about GOD. I am surrounded by people who believe in GOD and others who don’t. But I am confused. I am not sure what to believe. I don’t want to be influenced by someone and just follow them in believing what they believe. To be honest, the person who is very close to me doesn’t believe in GOD, in fact, the only close person who believes in GOD is my mom.

I remember, when I was young, there was once my parents brought me to the temple, and when I was in front of Lord Ganesha’s statue, my dad bent down and spoke in my ear, ‘Ask for what you want to him, and he will give it to you!’. Then I closed my eyes and asked sincerely what I wanted, ‘GOD, all I want is …., and GOD no matter what happens, I will always BELIEVE IN YOU!

I am not sure why I said that, but I just did.

So now, when I remembered that incident, I don’t want to just jump to assumptions and just believe in GOD but if there is really GOD then I don’t want to go the opposite way as I told him that I will always believe in him. So now, the question is, IS THERE GOD?

I heard stories where, when one believed in GOD, they achieved a lot of miracles, but I see people who don’t are also doing very well, they have got everything in life.

Does this mean that it depends what works for you well?

What I mean is, like for some works better if they believe in GOD and some tried believing and no miracles happened and therefore made their own decision of not believing in GOD and therefore found their believes and achieved miracles?

My uncle once said, ‘Soon you will come to realise that there is no God’. When I told this to someone, that person asked, ‘You still don’t realise?’ … hahahaa …..

I heard stories where they don’t believe in God in the beginning but when they were dwelling with certain difficulties, they turned to God’s direction and they were brought to the bright side of life.

Someone close told me a story which happened in her relative’s life. Let’s name this person as Rony! So Rony is a married guy and at one stage he went totally bankrupt and he was in the verge of committing suicide. Then one day he went to the church for the first time and just talked to Jesus, ‘Just make me rich and in return you can take away my life by the age of … and if I don’t get money I will just take away my life.’ These are not his exact words but something similar. And just in a matter of time, he became rich and was able to settle all his debts. Now he is very rich. Can you believe this?

Then I thought about people who plays lottery. There are people who are really addicted and no matter how poor they are, they will make sure that they have the money to buy lottery ticket. Now, what must they be thinking? I am pretty sure the reason they keep buying this lottery is because they believe that they will win this lottery one day but do they? Maybe as said in ‘The Secret’, maybe they also concentrate on what they don’t want and that contradicts with what they really want. I am just guessing.

Then, how about world disasters? Let’s take an example about the earthquake in China which recently happened. Now, I don’t think anyone would have thought about that. I mean, its really difficult to imagine those things isn’t it? Wait a minute… Is it death another chapter? But let’s take the kids who lost their lives… I am sure that they had dreams that they wanted to achieve in life, why are they not given a chance? Who controls these things? WHO?????

Man, I can go on and on about all the things that relates to God’s existence and also vice versa. But I don’t think I am getting anywhere with this.

I don’t understand. Ever since I was young, I have been a sick child. I have so many problems in my body, sometimes, I just cant understand how can I attract these diseases to me. When I was at that age, I had no idea there were so many diseases, but still, it chose me!!

Oh, I don’t know. I am just so fed up and sad. And guess what, if its not under control, it will spread all over your body. Arrghh … I just … arrghhh !!!!

‘Its human nature to think that they are right in what they are doing.’

The above statement, is it right? That’s what I observed from the people around me. Everyone thinks they are right. Even myself! But if that’s the case, who is actually wrong. Or is it necessary to have someone to be wrong? I am not sure.

Another thing that I have been pondering about is about how useless and selfish I have been. Because I thought that I was always right, I thought I was caring for everyone around me. But now, to look back to all the things that I have done, I don’t think I am a nice person. They say, ‘truth always hurts’. Guess what, to get to this truth, it really hurts.

All this while, for 21 years of my life, I have been thinking that I have been the right one. I have been thinking that I always care for people and that I don’t want to hurt anyone. But NO! That’s not me! I am not a nice person, I am not a caring person. I am SELFISH, CARELESS, USELESS!!!

I have always disappointed my loved ones. I know, its part of a relationship. But sometimes, I just cant bear the fact that I am not able to make them happy! I don’t know how to show I appreciate their care. Or could it be I don’t care? When I think like that, the only answer I can get is ‘I cant be like that’ but then later on I add ‘Can I?’. So, basically I am confused.

I have never been a good daughter to my mom. I have never been a good sister to my brother. I have never been a good friend to my best friend. I have never been any good to anyone. I know, that they all love me dearly. But why cant I be like them? Why cant I be caring enough to bear things as it is? Why?!

Sometimes, I just say out words, just because I feel like I want to say it out. Sometimes, I have a face reaction which makes it hurtful to the others. But why am I reacting emotionally and not rationally? How can I control this? How?!

The more I think of this, the more I feel I am useless. I just feel, I don’t deserve their love because I am not worth it.

But I think, there is only one solution to this. I MUST CHANGE. But here comes the problem. When I am reacting on my emotions, I don’t know it until I have done it and it has been a few days later. So, how shall I overcome this. There is one thing that comes into my mind, to just be quiet. To just accept things as it is. To not fight anything. To just go with the flow. Is this right?

Sometimes, when I make an argument, in the beginning, I feel its wrong, but later on, I convince myself that I am right! Then, when I think more and more, then I start to think, ‘Am I really right?’ then as I think more and more, ‘I am wrong’.

So, I am a confused, selfish and useless person. This is what I feel.

But I am not just going to sit here and cry about it! I hate to accept that! I am not a quitter!!

So, basically, what I am going to do is not to react immediately. Its not that I never tried this method before but I never kept myself to it. What will make me keep to it, you might ask. Well, there are more reasons now and I think I know what will make me to keep to it. I have done this once and it was successful once. So I am sure I will be able to get there.

My brother told me that he read in a book that said, if you are confused, means you are actually thinking. Hhmm … I wonder if that is actually good or bad? Hehe!

But to all the ones that I love and the ones whom love me, I am sorry for hurting you! I really regret doing it. But I will make sure that I will keep you all happy! And please forgive me! I really didn’t mean to hurt you guys. I am just ignorant and childish! I will change that! I must change that.

Not only that, I have a dream to catch! I need to be matured and able to think and able to make decisions. I need it! I have people counting on me and I cant let them down. I need to be a better person. And I will get there!

I would like to show just one first. As this is auto but I would like comments on the angle and the way the photo was taken.

It’s a beautiful lake surrounded by greeneries. This is in Regent Park. We went picnic there. Its really a beautiful place. I actually took more pics than this as its really irresistible!! Anyways, what do you think?!

This is a nice pic of the flowers in Regent Park. Beautiful!

Another Flower!

I like this pic … I feel everything is very nicely arranged in the pic but please, if you think otherwise, let me know where I can improve

At the moment I am practicing in using aperture priority with the guidance of the magazine that teaches skills. I find it really helpful! It’s the Practical Photography Magazine. I am also reading books such as ‘Foundation course: Photography’ by Peter Cattrell which explains more general information of photography. It has a little of the history of photography which I find interesting and also techniques and all the angles that can be used. Its just like learning drawing art or architecture where you need to know a few of this things to help you improve in composing a photo. In that book, there is something that said, anyone can take a picture but to make it outstanding is the art of a photographer. And I will be that!

First surprise …

My mom, bro and best friend, Jocelyn, shared together and got me a DSLR camera - Nikon D40. Can you believe it? I cant! Even now, the thought of owning a DSLR camera, is just … NO NO … this is a dream … can this really be happening? This is what keeps coming in my mind. But also, it’s a little difficult to accept the fact because I don’t feel I deserve it. I mean, I feel I have not been a good girl. I have hurt them all in some way and for them to treat me like this… No, I must say that I am lucky! I mean, I really don’t deserve it. I made them cry, I disappointed them … I just cant accept the present. But I know, they all love me so much. So, what I will do, is to make them proud. I will make sure that I master my skills in this field and I shall take photography seriously as this present is an expensive one.

Second surprise …

My uncle in Germany gave a surprise by buying a cake for me when I was there. It was a nice moment. I just feel I am so blessed. He treated me really well!

Third surprise …

My company, they bought so many earrings and bought me a purse and a notebook. It was really nice of them. I was really lucky to be part of that company. They all treat me so nice. I will never forget those moments that I have spent in that company. This one year experience, will last a life long.

Fourth surprise …

My managing director sent me a birthday card to my house by post. Now, which MD would do that? I am truly blessed. I was so surprised that I would receive such a card from her. She is really nice. I like her.

So, you see, I am truly blessed.

Thank you to all my loved ones … Without you guys … I would be a miserable and useless human being. THANK YOU …. AND I LOVE YOU ALL VERY VERY VERY MUCH …. MMMMUUAAKKKZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Its time,
To say goodbye now
We have come to a route
Where its too narrow
And there’s space
Only for one to travel

Will our path meet again
It’s a question
Left unresolved
But will it ever be answered
I leave it to you

Leaving you
Is a disaster
That has strike me
Have I survived
Just merely

Its been years now
You are there
And I am here
Our vantage point
Is just about to arrive

My eagerness to see you
To hold you
To feel you
To hear your voice
Is a blissful dream
That is about to come true

You have changed
Over the years
Of separation
You are not you anymore,
Is this the person I loved

Oh, it hurts,
My heart
Been squeezed
Its stopped pumping
Hope to revive it
Is left just as another hope

All these years,
Why did I hold it
Deep it inside
Keeping all that hope
For both of us
Bearing the pain
That distance has given me
Why, oh why?

Don’t you value me
Anymore
What have I done wrong
Loving you,
All it seems now
Is a sin!!!!

So, what do you all think? Well, I must admit that its a negative poem. Well, I was desperate to tell one poem and I just had this easy. Its sad as well. But dun think that I am sad though. haha … Dont judge me from this poem .. its just that I have lost my talent of writing a poem and I just wanted to come out with one … Anyways, please comment THanks