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On Relationships and Expectations
By Karthik | July 17, 2008
Expectation is the root to all heartache.
Yes, that Shakespeare quote is a repetition. I have blogged with this particular topic and I have tried to argue that expectations are indeed necessary. But I somehow got it all figured out wrongly, and stated them as my opinions inaccurately.
This time around, I’m going to contradict my previous post.
Having expectations are sometimes necessary, but not in the context of relationships. Nevertheless, it is not entirely possible for you to run away from having expectations from your loved ones, but what I have learned is that, that expectations should be kept at a very minimal level. Otherwise, you are seriously in a relationship that is not healthy. The only thing that you should seek to change is the way you and your partner interact. Expectations arise mainly because of the lack of proper communication. If there is proper communication, mutual respect and understanding could be given birth to in any relationship.
If you have just too many expectations from your partner, and you make changes to your partner so that he/she could deliver you what you want, then you are being completely dishonest in your relationship. Read the following…
A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often when we choose relationships, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the ! way we interact.
By wanting to give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints that our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
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Topics: Inspirational, Personal, Rants and Advices |
